


Changbin vs. the Ends of the Earth

by midjoon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Depression, Heavy Angst, I am so sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It mostly centers around changbins thoughts, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Please don’t read this if you are triggered by suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, This story is completely fictional, Triggering Subjects, Triggers, just a Changbin And hyunjin ship, there is no happy ending, theres not many of them and I’m sorry that this one isn’t a happy one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 12:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17467724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midjoon/pseuds/midjoon
Summary: All things came to an end. The good things, the bad things, and Seo Changbin.





	Changbin vs. the Ends of the Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Major Trigger Warning//suicide. I know that this is a really hard topic to write and read about and I know that writing about Changbin in this situation can be really upsetting and offensive, so please, please, PLEASE tell me if this makes you uncomfortable and I’ll take it down immediately. Please just know that CVTEOTE Changbin isn’t a representation of what binnie actually feels. I’m not trying to romanticize anything, but please know that in this story, Hyunjin is the MOST important thing in the world. Please read at your own discretion and if you are personally dealing with depression, please talk to someone, you are never alone.

Seo Changbin sat on a jagged rock watching the ocean waves crash against the shore. The impact between each wave and the unsuspecting land resonated deep within his small chest, reminding him of thunder; the large booming that engulfed the world in a hug and then suffocated it.

The wind from the incoming storm blew harshly against his boney frame, causing him to shiver and pull his oversized hoodie tighter against himself. Each gust disheveled his light, permed hair, causing tangles too tough to be brushed through. The ocean mist, aided by the restless wind, freckled his round specs, creating a barrier between himself and the infinite sea.

A shuddering breath escaped the boy’s lips every time he lifted his arm to wipe away at the tiny specks of water. With each wipe the sleeves of his hoodie slid down his boney and pale arm, causing him to sniff each time he pulled the sleeve back up past his delicate fingertips. 

It was too cold to be sitting at the beach, and he knew it, but against all the odds and all the signs of rejection from his surroundings, Seo Changbin remained on the broken rock and stared at the ends of the earth. In spite of being a wet, shivering mess, he met the infinite sea and he wasn’t leaving until he closed the distance between them. 

Because he had promised. Six months prior, on September 25, the 20 year old had laid in bed and had promised himself an end to the void that had taken residence deep within his chest. That night, he had set an imaginary timer that counted down the days until he became nothing more than a memory. A fleeting thought in an oblivious mind.

He had given himself six months. Six _fucking_ months to breathe. To hold _his_ hands, to kiss _his_ lips, to lay in _their_ bed. He had given himself _time_. But now that he had reached something he had thought was an eternity away, he realized that it was all a waste. He had been building up an intolerance, only to fall sick and lose it all in the end.

Throughout the entirety of his life, he had felt empty. Not alone, not afraid, and certainly not unloved, he had just felt empty. He had a void in his chest that didn’t allow any light to get in. Yet he felt every emotion in the world, the emotions that let every human being know that they were _alive_. The kind that were too beautiful to describe and the others too painful to remember. But he felt them. In every bone of his body and every fiber of his being, he felt them. And he knew them, and he loved them, and he was them. But he was also empty. And that meant more than anything else. Even more than Hyunjin. 

And he hated it.

Because Hyunjin had been the single most important thing in his life. Hyunjin was the air in his lungs. Hyunjin was the sun in the sky, the stars in the universe, and the darkness that allowed them to shine. Hyunjin was the world that allowed vermin to stand on him. He was the only reason Changbin existed and he was sure of it. Changbin was allowed to be who he was in the world, because Hyunjin had _created_ the world. He was made to be with Hyunjin, not the other way around. 

But as much as he loved Hyunjin and he hated the emptiness, he prioritized it. 

No matter how much air Hyunjin put in his lungs, he prioritized the cancer growing in them instead. The emptiness swallowed the sun, the stars, and even the rat infested world, because it didn’t care.

There was no preference, there was no bias, it just took everything and made it into nothing and Changbin allowed it. It was his companion, it was the only constant thing in his life. Even if he and Hyunjin made it to the ends of the earth, hand in hand, it would meet them there. There was no escape.

So on that evening, with a hand holding Hyunjin’s delicate frame and the other clutching his empty chest, he made a promise. A terrible promise. A promise that would go into effect six months later.

But he can’t say that he was miserable throughout those few months. In fact, he lived a lifetime of happiness in them. He lived for Hyunjin. No matter where, the older would pull the younger towards him and smash their lips together, making sure to hold on tighter than the last time. No matter how much he hated going out, he would dress up a little better and wear Hyunjin’s favorite perfume and would drag the boy out for a night full of dancing. He would sit hours on end, watching Hyunjin more than the drama being broadcasted on TV, measuring each reaction and laughing every time the boy laughed and crying every time the boy cried. And each night he would wrap the younger in his arms, play with his lips and profess his undying love for him in new ways. Because he knew that he could never go back.

After the six months were up, he would never feel the boy’s plump lips against his own. The warmth that radiated from them and the softness that was unique to them only. He wouldn’t experience the soft gasp the boy let out when he would pull away from a deep kiss and the soft look in his eyes when he would lean his forehead down against Changbin’s. Changbin wouldn’t hear the giggle that the younger would make whenever he stepped on him while dancing and he wouldn’t see the smile that turned his eyes into moons and caused Changbin to fall in love more than humanly possible. Those small things would cease to exist.

And it was the small things that made those days worth living. The small smiles, the soft lips, the human warmth, it was all worth it. But it was also worth more than he could pay. Changbin was a poor boy, with nothing to offer to the world. A world that deserved it all.

So he sat there, on a broken rock, hating everything the world offered and loving everything it denied him. He sat there, hating the fact that he could be more and he wasn’t, but loving himself for trying. He sat there, stretching out the finite silence, before he had to make a final call.

With each crashing wave, his life shortened and he could feel it. His time was up. Like every good and bad thing in the world, it was coming to an end. He wasn’t scared of dying, but he was scared of after. He was scared of leaving Hyunjin alone to the cruel world. He wanted to be selfish and carry Hyunjin with him wherever he went. He wanted to hold Hyunjins pretty hands in his freezing ones and show him the black hole consuming the universe within his chest, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be selfish.

Changbin sniffed and wiped away the ocean mist on his specs. The tide had slowly crept up on him, it was tired of waiting. Changbin sighed and pulled his phone from his pocket, dialing the only number in his contact list.

Hyunjin was always quick to answer his phone, but with each ring it seemed less and less likely that he would actually answer. Full of disdain, Changbin was about to end the call when he heard Hyunjin pick up.

“Bin? Hey baby, what’s up?” His voice sounded surprised.

“H-hey, I just-I just wanted to hear your voice…”

“You-you wanted to hear my voice?” Hyunjins voice laced with confusion.

“Y-yeah…it’s pretty, y’know?”

“I mean, I guess…Are you-are you at the beach?”

“No…”

“Seo Changbin, are you at the fucking beach?”

“Maybe…”

“Oh my fucking-What the hell are you doing at the beach? Do you have any idea how fucking cold it is? Seo Changbin can you see the sky? It’s about to pour! Oh my God, Changbin if you don’t get your tiny ass out of there, I’m going to beat the shit out of you! Are you listening to me? Why are you laughing?”

Changbin had let out a giggle. Hyunjin always blew things out of proportion.

“I’m not-”

“Do you think this is funny? Do you think this a joke? Because being sick is not a jo-”

“No, no, no, I’m fine! I’m completely fine! I’m wearing the grey hoodie. It’s fine, everything is fi-”

“The grey hoodie? MY GREY HOODIE? Do you KNOW how much money that hoodie was?”

“What are you talking about? I gave you this hoodie!” 

“Do you KNOW the sentimental value behind that hoodie? Changbin, I’m this close to ending you! What the hell are you even doing at the beach? You hate the beach!” 

“Well…I was driving around the area and it looked so pretty that it reminded me of you.” 

“Hah!” Hyunjin snorted. “Yeah, well pretty or not, that’s no excuse for you to be out and about in this kind of weather. We also don’t know anybody that lives near the beach, so what’s your excuse? Hmmmmm, are you-are you cheating on me?” 

“WHAT? NO! If I was cheating on you, I wouldn’t be calling you! I’d be doing some other stuff…” 

“The thing is, I don’t believe you. I’ve seen cases of this on TV. First, you’re going to the beach, then you go out for a business trip, and then you leave me raising our five children alone while you’re out there living your best life! Changbin you can’t fool me, I’ve seen enough dramas to know when men are bullshitting!” 

“Okay, first of all, we don’t have five children. Second of all, I would never cheat on you, you know why? Go ahead, ask.” 

“Bin, I know. I’m just play-”

“Nope. We’re in too deep now, you have to ask now.” 

Hyunjin let out an exaggerated groan. “Ugh. Changbin, why would you never cheat on me?” 

“Excellent question, thanks for asking. I would never cheat on you, because I love you. I love you more than you’ll ever know. My heart only-”

“Your heart only beats for me. I know, Bin, I know. You want to know why I know?”

“Why?”

“Because I love you too. Maybe even more than you’ll ever love me, who knows?”

“Believe me, I know. But you’re also wrong, because-”

“Ughhhh, just take my love and shut it. When did we become this cheesy? I’ve become my worst nightmare: a lovesick fool.”

“Jinnie, you were always a fool, now you’re just in love.”

“You got jokes now, huh? You win ONE argument and all of a sudden you got jokes.”

“I’ve always had jokes, you just never appreciated them.”

“Pffft, okay. Sarcastic remarks and terrible puns aren’t jokes, they’re just stale fillers and you can’t change my mind!”

“It’s peak humor. See, I told you. You can’t appreciate my jokes. Maybe if I was cheating, that person would actually appreciate my humor.”

“We’re feeling brave now, huh? Fine then. Expect your clothes on fire and your dusty bear in the trash bin when you get home later tonight.”

“If you go anywhere near him, I’ll kill you! And he’s not a bear, he’s a Pokémon. If you’re going to threaten me, at least get your facts right.”

“Yeah, whatever. It’s still ugly as fuck. It’s dirty too, you need to wash it. I’d do it right now, but we ran out of detergent, so make sure you pick some up on your way home.”

“Yeah, okay…” Changbin dragged out the few seconds of silence. “I guess I’ll get going now.”

“Yeah, before it gets dark and you get caught up in the rain.”

“I love you, Jinnie.”

“My heart beats for you, Bin. Maybe you should go to the beach more often, you get funnier when you’re there.”

“Yeah, maybe I should.”

“Okay, baby, I’ll see you later tonight. Keep warm, because if I hear you sniffling while I’m trying to sleep, I’ll kick your ass! Okay, bye!”

Hyunjin hung up.

Changbin smiled. Maybe he could go back home and try to show Hyunjin the black hole consuming the universe in his chest.

Maybe.

With a sniffle, Changbin stood up and closed the distance between himself and the infinite sea.

He found emptiness waiting for him.

**THE PARAGON OF ANIMALS PT. I**


End file.
